My neglected post

What what time i have missed. i wished i could go back through and tell you everything .. maybe someday.. which is my mom's favorite words..
So i will tell you what brought me back to this...a support group of likeminded mommas who are searching for a spiritual way of living and loving...I am blessed because No matter how far I go from this path, the Goddess always pulls me back... No matter where I go or what decisions I make to push me farther from the truth, my goddess is right next to me to pull me back when I am ready..THank you thank you..
I feel like someone who i cannot see is always there to help me get through and will always be there for me no matter..I feel supported by this gigantic universe..
So Update, Jesse lost his step mom miriam which made me sad to lose someone who loved my children so muh and she was gone in 9 months and i never really got to say goodbye..or thank you. She was one of the main women who made me feel like i was a terrific mother and everything i was doing was amazing. She watched my babies and did not try to be their mom with her thoughts on mothering. but she watched them the way i mothered them and made sure they could smell me and she slept next to them so they would not be alone..That is an amazing woman and mother..But she was with us the day she died. not physically but i know she was there. she passed on maya and micah's b-day party day.. I told the children she passed on so she could come here and see us. that was the only way she could say goodbye to us so her soul came to be with us on that day..
i told them anytime they feel a tickle she is tickling them.. anytime they want to laugh for no reason she is telling them a funny secret and anytime they feel really warm it is because she is givign them a hug. their eyes lit up like magic..
I found maya laying on the couch and she said she was laying down with miriam. I think she was saying goodbye to her.
Next big news is that we are expecting another boy due around christmas..
I was trying to wait for another 6 months but Mr. Wallace had other plans..
So this little soul was conceived around spring solstice and will be born around winter solstice..
He is very active and loves to kick..He is helping us to get organized and create our house the way it needs to be. decluttering, painting, making Maya's room, getting the boys into their own room and my husband and i back into our rooms..Finally together..
I keep thinking of calling him Phoenix Kai but jesse has other ideas. We will see though..
So I promise to make more of an effort to stay close and write often because i absolutely love reading about where i have been.
Sage has started KG. He loves it now.. first week was tough on both of us..I really want to send him to a waldorf school and i still have the dream of homeschooling waldorf but at this moment it is better for all..just now not forever. he is soo confident now.. still energetic and has a mind of his own but he has his own thing about him now..
Jesse lost his job and then went back to school and now has a new job as a IT guy.. he is working on getting a better job,..this is an amazing change for us..Nothing ever stays the same for long in our family and sometimes that is a wonderful amazing thing!!!

Things I am making for christmas!!!

needed to write this down so i can remember before my brain goes to moosh with all the holiday festivities to take place.

wool Sweater pants for Micah and Maya if I can.. I doubt Sage would wear them...

Wool felt ball for micah

Bean bags for each child. set of 4

Wooden Tree blocks

Wooden playstands

Wooden TreeHouse for Sage

Little gnomes and people to go with tree house..

really would like to try to make their own wooden spoons and bowls for their waldorf style kitchen they are getting.

Dye some of the white sheets I have so they can tie-dyed play fabrics.

I am so excited for all this and for my journey to become the mom I am meant to be !!!

My life is extraordinarily BEAUTIFUL RIGHT NOW

Waldorf

Oh so i finally took my children to the waldorf school in gardner that i have been wanting to do for soo long... I love every single thing about it! I love the teacher, friends, philosophy, the guidance, Anthroposophy, Steiner was brilliant and amazing.. So far ahead of his time.

What is there not to love. and there are so many thing i do that are connected with it. there are many things i don't do which leaves room for growth and improvement, change for the better.

We also have decided to start having friends over for dinner more often, we have secluded ourselves a bt which makes us unhealthy it seems so now the more the merrier. wE need other friends and family that we want to be like and that we admire around us. I have been a much happier wife and housekeeper, more importantly mother.. at least i am trying to be...
There is so much to learn in this beautiful world and so much for me to grow and change i have not time or energy for the negative.... positive thoughts brings positive actions.....

i am going to be an aunt again in 9 months. i am so excited for my younger brother. he will be wonderful and mallorie will be an awesome momma, she is already so patient and loving with my children. i have so much to share with her and my brother but i dont want to be overbearing. I am going to have them over for dinner as well soon

time for an update!!!

Jesse and i relationship feels disconnected...even our way of communicating is close to zero or yelling at eachother. WE need to reconnect, learn to communicate in healthy ways, live from love and not fear and anger. misguided love is a good way to put our last argument. I should never react. what he sees in me is only something he does not like in him. all i am is a reflection of him and all he is , is a reflection of me. we are connected one of the same from the same source. I need to tell myself that over and over until it sinks into my head, my heart, into my everyday experiences.
amazing things have been working in my life, amazing healthy friends.. i fell i am growing , i know i am becoming more spiritually minded. miracles happen every day. 2 job opportunities have come my way, one selling nutritional juices, and another actually going to school to become a appraisor. with all our friends flipping and selling houses ,w e should be able to do find. 800 in one day sounds awesome too me. I met an amazingly nice sweet appraisor who says we would be perfect for it to start our own company. I know this was sent from God and am inspired and empowered and have ultimate faith that this will lead us on the right path.
Had some time to myself and found some unbelievable books!! I really would love to manifest about 100 to buy some books i really want. who cares that i don't have time to read all of them but just so i have them...Maybe i can own a bookstore in bonner as well that also sells nutritonal juices all in one!!! A time for change ,a time to grow, a time for me!

My picture

never noticed this before but my hair makes the sign of the cross... i grew up catholic then became christian and now believe Spirituality makes me a better person than what religion I choose to follow. actually lately i have been thinking of just celebrating solstice, winter and summer , yule and the sorts.. now what does that make me?
today i met a very special unique christian18 yr old from iowa named michael at the park!
My daughter said mom, in her most serious look with those big brown eyes staring intently onto me.. I love that boy! I really love him, fast forward 20 years... her telling me that about some boy she has been dating. that is what it sounded like, that is what it felt like.. my little girl should not say that about anyone ever !! it spooked me even though she is only 3. but how beautiful and sweet it was that she felt that way about him. he was the sweetest , caring boy i have met in a long time. i would be more than thrilled for her to meet a nice boy like that !!!
I guess she knows how to pick them , i hope she keeps that characteristic about her.....
So michael played with my children and he also went on a nature walk and we talked about his life, where he is from, and my life and what i have done. we ended our friendship with a prayer that he spoke to us. i thought how sweet and how confident he must be to do that with a total stranger! now what i have to ponder.. is this a sign? ???? it is amazing the people you meet!!

it has been forever!

So Jesse birthday and mothers day flew by us! jesse celebrated having his friends come over and he smoked some barbeque. it was amazing! i loved every bite. he is becoming so good at it.
mothers day jesse bought the kids some cards for me. I don't really appreciate how commercialized it has gotten but i was glad to have my 3 babies to spend it with.
then came fathers day which i completely bombed , i just could not give in to the idea of spending $4 on a card that had no soul or originality to it. I did have the kids draw him a picture the next day. but i told him we celebrate him every day.
Then my birthday came and jesse and i had a babysitter while we ate at em chamas! OH MY was that good in a fantasy exotic setting. Here it is.... http://www.kansascitymenus.com/emchamas/
oh yeah this whole tiem we are taking parenting classes called love and logic. i don't agree on everythign and some things make me want to scream but some are okay in the right context. I really wish that they had unconditional parenting classes or at least some kind of discussion group because that is what are goal is not trying to manipulate or control. but have our children think with their own heads what is a good decision and how to lead healthy happy lives.

So then came maya's birthday party which I completely spoiled her for but she is my only daughter. I wish i knew how to post pics on this blog . maybe soon i will learn..
she was soo cute and i found this beautiful dress for only $30 at pink zebra store in bonner. the most perfect shoes , and even a little hair thing to go on top which was a nice finish.

Now Micah is walking all over the place. he gets mad if we don;t let him go somewhere and he tells us where he wants to go.
my 11 month old after coming home from fireworks took my hand and walked me to our bedroom. as we got near our bed he reached up his hands to tel me to pick him up.
we then proceeded to lie down and he has to fall asleep on top of my belly not beside me , nursing of course . his whole body on mine!
he was asleep in 5 min!
isn't he just the cutest thing in the whole world!
I am having so much more fun with the third one!

His birthday is coming up in july and i want to have family over but i have such a big family it turns out to be more of a party. trying to decide what to do???
party or no party???

jesse's mom will be in town as well.. so we should have alot of fun!
I actually love it when mil comes into town because she helps out so much wth house and children. and i think she adores my babies more than anyone else in the world, well except for me!
That is abotu everything going on so far! enjoying the summer heat and all the birthdays!!

Summer days...

I cannot believe summer is coming upon us! There are so many thing i want to do with the kids and so many things i want to see! I feel like our days are wasted staying at home but Some days I have to clean to keep my home a living sanctuary flowing with love and peace.
My garden is absolutely beautiful and it is only going to get better. WE have soo many tomato plants and our cucumber squash is flowering all over. the lettuce tastes so good as well! I love gardening. I told Jesse some days i just want to stay in my garden and play int he dirt and talk with my plants. He said then that is exactly what you are suppose to be doing!
okay so summer days are coming upon us and I need to jot some things down for plans.
Mon clean time
Tues storytime at the library followed by wonderscope
Wed ernie miller
Thursday hmm maybe deanna rose followed by picnic lunch
fri: preschool time at library followed by park ???
except this fri, going to catherines yeah!
more to come soon