Jesse and i relationship feels disconnected...even our way of communicating is close to zero or yelling at eachother. WE need to reconnect, learn to communicate in healthy ways, live from love and not fear and anger. misguided love is a good way to put our last argument. I should never react. what he sees in me is only something he does not like in him. all i am is a reflection of him and all he is , is a reflection of me. we are connected one of the same from the same source. I need to tell myself that over and over until it sinks into my head, my heart, into my everyday experiences.
amazing things have been working in my life, amazing healthy friends.. i fell i am growing , i know i am becoming more spiritually minded. miracles happen every day. 2 job opportunities have come my way, one selling nutritional juices, and another actually going to school to become a appraisor. with all our friends flipping and selling houses ,w e should be able to do find. 800 in one day sounds awesome too me. I met an amazingly nice sweet appraisor who says we would be perfect for it to start our own company. I know this was sent from God and am inspired and empowered and have ultimate faith that this will lead us on the right path.
Had some time to myself and found some unbelievable books!! I really would love to manifest about 100 to buy some books i really want. who cares that i don't have time to read all of them but just so i have them...Maybe i can own a bookstore in bonner as well that also sells nutritonal juices all in one!!! A time for change ,a time to grow, a time for me!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
My picture
never noticed this before but my hair makes the sign of the cross... i grew up catholic then became christian and now believe Spirituality makes me a better person than what religion I choose to follow. actually lately i have been thinking of just celebrating solstice, winter and summer , yule and the sorts.. now what does that make me?
today i met a very special unique christian18 yr old from iowa named michael at the park!
My daughter said mom, in her most serious look with those big brown eyes staring intently onto me.. I love that boy! I really love him, fast forward 20 years... her telling me that about some boy she has been dating. that is what it sounded like, that is what it felt like.. my little girl should not say that about anyone ever !! it spooked me even though she is only 3. but how beautiful and sweet it was that she felt that way about him. he was the sweetest , caring boy i have met in a long time. i would be more than thrilled for her to meet a nice boy like that !!!
I guess she knows how to pick them , i hope she keeps that characteristic about her.....
So michael played with my children and he also went on a nature walk and we talked about his life, where he is from, and my life and what i have done. we ended our friendship with a prayer that he spoke to us. i thought how sweet and how confident he must be to do that with a total stranger! now what i have to ponder.. is this a sign? ???? it is amazing the people you meet!!
today i met a very special unique christian18 yr old from iowa named michael at the park!
My daughter said mom, in her most serious look with those big brown eyes staring intently onto me.. I love that boy! I really love him, fast forward 20 years... her telling me that about some boy she has been dating. that is what it sounded like, that is what it felt like.. my little girl should not say that about anyone ever !! it spooked me even though she is only 3. but how beautiful and sweet it was that she felt that way about him. he was the sweetest , caring boy i have met in a long time. i would be more than thrilled for her to meet a nice boy like that !!!
I guess she knows how to pick them , i hope she keeps that characteristic about her.....
So michael played with my children and he also went on a nature walk and we talked about his life, where he is from, and my life and what i have done. we ended our friendship with a prayer that he spoke to us. i thought how sweet and how confident he must be to do that with a total stranger! now what i have to ponder.. is this a sign? ???? it is amazing the people you meet!!
Sunday, July 8, 2007
it has been forever!
So Jesse birthday and mothers day flew by us! jesse celebrated having his friends come over and he smoked some barbeque. it was amazing! i loved every bite. he is becoming so good at it.
mothers day jesse bought the kids some cards for me. I don't really appreciate how commercialized it has gotten but i was glad to have my 3 babies to spend it with.
then came fathers day which i completely bombed , i just could not give in to the idea of spending $4 on a card that had no soul or originality to it. I did have the kids draw him a picture the next day. but i told him we celebrate him every day.
Then my birthday came and jesse and i had a babysitter while we ate at em chamas! OH MY was that good in a fantasy exotic setting. Here it is.... http://www.kansascitymenus.com/emchamas/
oh yeah this whole tiem we are taking parenting classes called love and logic. i don't agree on everythign and some things make me want to scream but some are okay in the right context. I really wish that they had unconditional parenting classes or at least some kind of discussion group because that is what are goal is not trying to manipulate or control. but have our children think with their own heads what is a good decision and how to lead healthy happy lives.
So then came maya's birthday party which I completely spoiled her for but she is my only daughter. I wish i knew how to post pics on this blog . maybe soon i will learn..
she was soo cute and i found this beautiful dress for only $30 at pink zebra store in bonner. the most perfect shoes , and even a little hair thing to go on top which was a nice finish.
Now Micah is walking all over the place. he gets mad if we don;t let him go somewhere and he tells us where he wants to go.
my 11 month old after coming home from fireworks took my hand and walked me to our bedroom. as we got near our bed he reached up his hands to tel me to pick him up.
we then proceeded to lie down and he has to fall asleep on top of my belly not beside me , nursing of course . his whole body on mine!
he was asleep in 5 min!
isn't he just the cutest thing in the whole world!
I am having so much more fun with the third one!
His birthday is coming up in july and i want to have family over but i have such a big family it turns out to be more of a party. trying to decide what to do???
party or no party???
jesse's mom will be in town as well.. so we should have alot of fun!
I actually love it when mil comes into town because she helps out so much wth house and children. and i think she adores my babies more than anyone else in the world, well except for me!
That is abotu everything going on so far! enjoying the summer heat and all the birthdays!!
mothers day jesse bought the kids some cards for me. I don't really appreciate how commercialized it has gotten but i was glad to have my 3 babies to spend it with.
then came fathers day which i completely bombed , i just could not give in to the idea of spending $4 on a card that had no soul or originality to it. I did have the kids draw him a picture the next day. but i told him we celebrate him every day.
Then my birthday came and jesse and i had a babysitter while we ate at em chamas! OH MY was that good in a fantasy exotic setting. Here it is.... http://www.kansascitymenus.com/emchamas/
oh yeah this whole tiem we are taking parenting classes called love and logic. i don't agree on everythign and some things make me want to scream but some are okay in the right context. I really wish that they had unconditional parenting classes or at least some kind of discussion group because that is what are goal is not trying to manipulate or control. but have our children think with their own heads what is a good decision and how to lead healthy happy lives.
So then came maya's birthday party which I completely spoiled her for but she is my only daughter. I wish i knew how to post pics on this blog . maybe soon i will learn..
she was soo cute and i found this beautiful dress for only $30 at pink zebra store in bonner. the most perfect shoes , and even a little hair thing to go on top which was a nice finish.
Now Micah is walking all over the place. he gets mad if we don;t let him go somewhere and he tells us where he wants to go.
my 11 month old after coming home from fireworks took my hand and walked me to our bedroom. as we got near our bed he reached up his hands to tel me to pick him up.
we then proceeded to lie down and he has to fall asleep on top of my belly not beside me , nursing of course . his whole body on mine!
he was asleep in 5 min!
isn't he just the cutest thing in the whole world!
I am having so much more fun with the third one!
His birthday is coming up in july and i want to have family over but i have such a big family it turns out to be more of a party. trying to decide what to do???
party or no party???
jesse's mom will be in town as well.. so we should have alot of fun!
I actually love it when mil comes into town because she helps out so much wth house and children. and i think she adores my babies more than anyone else in the world, well except for me!
That is abotu everything going on so far! enjoying the summer heat and all the birthdays!!
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