Trying to hang on to some Serenity

I do not know what is going on with me right now but I am very close to losing anything i have left.
This mental state of mind is killing me and my husband. Poor guy , I hope he can handle this rollercoaster I am on in. Emotions are all over the place, I feel like I am torn in two trying to be this spiritual being reaching out to the source but also wanting to pull my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs. Every little thing Jesse does lately is getting on my nerves. my nerves are shot. I am irritated easily by anything that has to do with my husband... The kids occasionally are driving my nuts but that is to be expected.
I have all these fears coming up with financial stability. I want to have a retirement fund, I want to invest, I want to know we are being taken care of instead of living week to week. I want to be paying off credit cards instead of charging more and more living out of our means. That is the right phase right?
I want the situation with our house mortgage to be taken care of ASAP. I want to actually have a savings account that keeps money in it instead of one that often is negative.
I also have a hard time with the expectations Jesse has for me. He wants our house spotless, to him that means clean to me that means he is a crazy cleaning lunatic. Does he have any idea how hard it is to balance me time, kid time, cleaning time, and then if we are lucky couple time...
how many books I need to read and it is not getting done. Why can't there be more hours in the day?
then i start to think to myself.....
what is going on with me that is freaking me out? What do i need to deal with to calm my fears so i can get better along with my husband. he did say he was open to parenting classes and financial classes . maybe we just need a night out the two of us.. we have not done that since jan...maybe i am wasting too much time on the internet?
had an awesome meeting last night and have one tonight. should help me feel a little better...